As charming as the great lists of "things to be thankful for" are, I'm not going to do that here today. I think it's safe to say I'm thankful for my health, my family, my friends, my home, and my freedoms. I do think about them often with a grateful heart and not just on Thanksgiving.

No, this week I've been pondering other things. While I am grateful for a lot I also miss a lot that I was once grateful for. I had considered making a rant or a pet peeves list but I think I'll save that too. I guess today I just wanted to check in. All is well.

Saw an article on my browser claiming to "explode" the "myth" of the Thanksgiving turkey. Clicked on it out of curiosity. I was already pretty certain that a big brown turkey wasn't the central item on the menu during the first gathering of Pilgrims and Indians. Oh, excuse me...those of the "First Nation". The article, a typical non-Christian liberal rant clothed in sarcastic "humor" was part of a blog on a website called Good.is. Intrigued by the domain suffix I looked up ".is" and it's the domain suffix for Iceland. Not sure why a Los Angeles based company is using the suffix for Iceland but *shrugs*. Not even sure why this blog was featured on my browser. It's not even good writing.

The article was very typical. Americans are gluttonous idiots. School children are taught lies. The Native Americans (I'm perfectly happy with that term as it is completely accurate unlike the smarmy "First Nation" nonsense) and Pilgrims were never friends, never had a feast, had no reason to feast, blah blah blah...and they most certainly did NOT eat turkey!! The article goes on to tell us that the true origins of Thanksgiving are "deeper" than we think. Thanksgiving is based in pagan harvest festivals (like we didn't know that already), probably Celtic in origin (the Celts are so fashionable now, they get all the credit for everything), and those thieving white Christians just stole the holiday! Just like they stole Christmas and Easter. Bring back the solstices! Bring back the goddess! How dare those Christians steal perfectly good pagan holidays! One might well ask but that's a discussion for another day.

Additionally, the article alleges, a letter sent back to England by the Pilgrims which described a peaceful meal shared by Pilgrims and Indians was actually more of a "real estate advertisement" designed to lure settlers to the New World. Filthy lucre! Oh, and the same woman who penned "Mary Had A Little Lamb" wrote a piece about a New England Thanksgiving celebration which featured turkey. She wrote a letter to President Abe Lincoln who promptly instituted a national holiday requiring all citizens to gorge on turkey for a day. So, the holiday as we know it is actually the idea of some hack who wrote silly children's poems and therefore it can't possibly mean anything! Silly Americans! How quick we are to jump at the chance for a day off work with a nice big meal.

Heh...bottom line is, so what? Celebrate what you like. Yeesh.

Celebrate in the manner that is meaningful to you. Double yeesh.

God Almighty knows whose hearts belong to Him, so celebrate, don't denigrate. Yeesh and more yeesh.

When I tried to go back to clarify a point I found that the Thanksgiving piece is no longer featured on my browser. Went to Good.is and discovered it's not even featured on their own front page but buried somewhere on the "Food" page. So, how did this little piece of deliberately irritating criticism of a cherished American holiday end up front and center on my browser? Good question. They prolly bought the space to drum up business for their site. The site is obscure. I'd never heard of the blogger who wrote the article. His tone was very sarcastic, yet I don't think the article was intended to be one to make people chuckle. I think the author honestly believes everything he wrote, including how stupid he thinks everyone else is. That's not good writing. He didn't tell me anything I hadn't heard before, some of it was even correct, but the manner in which the article was written was deliberately irritating. The site is apparently run by up 'n coming twenty and thirty-somethings who think very highly of themselves judging from their bylines, and this seems to be their way of communicating. It's the face of new journalism. Sarcastic, belittling, arrogant, ignorant...what a waste of everyone's time.

My family is watching Secondhand Lions right now and I'm enjoying listening to it from my room. Meanwhile, I'm camping a NPC on WoW, the last one I need to complete an achievement. His name is Doomsayer Jurim. If none of this makes sense to you, don't worry about it. It's time-wasting foolishness anyway, but I do enjoy it.

I've been working on a rather ambitious project recently. I'm attempting to put together a seminar on internet safety for the people at my church. It took me about a week to write the majority of the teaching script. It's by no means comprehensive but mostly draws on the experiences I've had over the past decade online -- all the lessons I've learned, most of them thanks to my young friends from the RPG board at PS.com.

Several things prompted me to attempt this. One is the sudden influx of 13-year-olds from my church onto Facebook. They are all very excited to have profile pages and are playing FarmVille with me and filling out surveys and adding applications, yada yada. It's all very new to them and I'm not sure what else they're doing on the internet but, as we all know, it's not safe out there.

Anyhoo, another incident that prompted me to do something to educate my friends was a small email incident. Over the past few years I've had so many friends sending me bogus email. I usually reply with a link to Snopes.com and urge them to check there before forwarding anything. And yet they continue to forward junk on to me, on to ALL their friends, and perpetuate these stupid lies and hoaxes that have been circulating on the 'net for a decade. I don't think my friends are being malicious. I think they're being lazy and ignorant. I would've prolly just left it at that except for an email that was forwarded last month. The email was one of those typical right-wing rants about the ACLU and how they were trying to remove cross-shaped grave markers from military cemetaries. This sounded pretty incredible (meaning it had no credibility) so I checked it out and, sure enough, it wasn't true. So, I wrote back to my friend and told her it was false. She replied that she figured it was false but the thought it was a good way to get people to pray for those in the military and for our country. Now this is not a stupid woman. She's even a very good woman, one I've known a long time and respect, but try as I might to just shrug it off, I couldn't. I wrote back to her again and gently chided her for passing on a lie. Thankfully, she accepted this with good grace and agreed that she shouldn't have sent it.

The last area I'll be covering is being an effective Christian online. There's no trick to it but there are some things to be avoided...like preaching. Heh. Better just to live it.

There are some other reasons I've taken on this project but the main thing is I worked up an outline which was presented to our Board of Education and it was met with enthusiasm. They asked me to flesh out the outline so that they could see more specifically what I was going to teach. We still need to agree on a format, whether a 2-3 week class or a 3-4 hours seminar. I think we're all leaning toward a weekend or evening seminar. It would not be something I'd teach on Sunday morning.

I'm pleased with the teaching script I've written. I wrote it from my own experiences and then compared it to other published safety tips from the FBI to non-profit organizations and it lines up very well. I've also conducted little mini-interviews to fine-tune some of the more technical stuff and found that most consciencious parents agree with my suggestions. So, that was encouraging too.

Finally, I'm asking everyone I know online to tell me what their top 5 or so tips for staying safe on the internet are, so if you who read this have any tips, feel free to post 'em.

The areas of safety I'm covering, again it's not comprehensive, are how to build safe friends lists, safe email lists, how to spot fake stuff on the 'net including fake people, how to avoid being hacked, and how to keep kids safe from predators.

My youngest daughter has started confirmation class. Fifteen minutes before class starts at four o'clock the youth are served a snack intended to see them through the class without tummies rumbling. Parents volunteer to bring this snack each week so I signed up for the first week. I did this mostly so I wouldn't forget and also to get my duty out of the way. I went down to Safeway and bought 12 large muffins in three different flavors. I intended to cut them into quarters so I'd have more than enough to feed 20 young people. The church provides drinks. Also, there was supposed to be another parent who also provided a snack, so overall, in my opinion, the youth get a decent amount of snack food before class.

Flashback: eight years ago my oldest daughter went through confirmation. The snacks became an issue with me when I noticed some parents bringing full-blown meals. This annoyed me for two reasons. One, it spoiled my kid's appetite for dinner which would be served shortly after getting home when class was over. Two, some of these parents were spending upwards of $50 to provide the "snack" which, I was concerned, would set a horrible precedent for those of us who couldn't afford such lavish "snacks" for the youth. I was especially annoyed at one mother who brought in several large pizzas as a "snack" for the kids. I keep quoting the word "snack" because to my mind a snack is a very small amount of food. Several slices of pizza and drinks do not constitute a snack. That is a meal.

I mentioned my concerns and was immediately dismissed with two excuses that had already been worn threadbare in my life. The first was a pitiful whine of "but they're so hungry" as if all these kids were being starved by their own families and this was their only opportunity for food. Or worse, implying that these kids could not possible function for an hour of instruction without a full meal to take their minds off their stomachs...which I find even more distasteful because the Bible references people whose "god is their stomach" as not a good thing. Do these kids have no self-control? Will a simple, small snack not take the edge off their hunger long enough for them to be able to focus for one hour of class? Apparently we are raising children with very weak constitutions but try explaining that to parents who claim their children are starving all the time. Nonsense! I was once a teenager. I remember what my appetite was like and it was a healthy one. I also enjoyed a snack when I got home from school which would see me through until dinnertime. There is a vast difference between starving, being hungry, and being patient because you know dinner is going to be served in an hour.

The second excuse is even more disgusting than the first and I've heard it so many times I've begun to use it as a litmus test of the character and intelligence of the person who utters it. "Oh, but you don't have boys..." This dismissive statement has been thrown at me more times than I care to recount. It's been used to imply that I don't know anything about children or, at least, couldn't possibly know anything about boys and their needs. That's right. I was brought to this planet and dropped down without any knowledge whatsoever of the male human simply because I'm a female alien. I doubt seriously these same mothers throw out the accusation that mothers who only have sons can't possible know anything about girls...and they'd be foolish to try it given that mothers were all once girls. So, it's an elitist little jab with which too many mothers of boys like to dismiss mothers of girls.

The fact is I had a father and a brother. I even married a former boy. My brains didn't atrophy regarding males simply because I didn't manage to produce any male offspring. I feel strongly that being male shouldn't be used as an excuse for any kind of bad behavior, even gluttony, even if they are so hungry and growing and active and all the other lame excuses that are thrown out to justify bringing an expensive three course meal to "snack" time. Shouldn't we be teaching our sons self-control? Shouldn't they be encouraged to master the appetites of their bodies rather than being guided by them? It's one thing to be a little hungry and need a snack to tide you over between meals. It's another to claim that there need to be meals inbetween meals because, after all, "they're boys". Rot!

And why do I bring this up? Because this past Wednesday this entire scenario played out yet again. I overheard parents deciding to bring half a dozen pizzas to feed 20 kids. When I mentioned that it's just supposed to be a little snack and bringing a meal might spoil my child's appetite for dinner just an hour hence I was told yet again in a patronizing tone, "Oh, but you don't have boys" and then the two mothers chuckle together as if I'm the dumbest creature on earth and ignore me completely. They then proceed to tell outlandish stories about how much their boys eat. While I don't doubt that any child, boy or girl, will eat whatever is put in front of them, I don't judge a child based on their appetite, so bragging on how your kid horks down half the contents of the family refrigerator each and every day and how hard it is to keep food in the house is not impressive to me at all. Rather it kind of speaks to a great lack of common sense in the parents and a lack of self-control in their kid. It also exposes the very ignorant perpetuation of gender bigotry (if I may use that phrase). "Boys will be boys" has always been a lame excuse for a plethora of behaviors, some worse than others, and none of them particularly admirable. And yet there is hardly a mother of sons I know who hasn't used this very phrase to either excuse bad behavior by their sons or to put down the mothers of girls when complaints arise about rough behavior.

So, they're baa~aack. The self-righteous mommies of sons who are pretty sure they're a lot smarter than mommies of daughters. I'm not saying boys and girls aren't radically different. They are, even more so than the mommies-of-starving-kids believe. Finally, no one complained about getting a quarter of a large muffin washed down with a cup of soda pop the day I brought snack so I'm pretty sure these kids can handle it. Not only that, they didn't inhale every crumb; I took home some left-overs. Apparently I have more faith in these boys' ability to control themselves than their own parents. Sad, ain't it?

Not the best pic of me but I am having fun. As fast as I pull up the weeds in this planter, Edna is right there pulling up plump earthworms. I told her the earthworms were good for the garden and should be left alone but she insisted they were good for her too! She also kept mistaking my muddy fingers for other delectables, silly chicken, and there was a bit of pecking. Meanwhile, Edna's sister, Eggetha was busy producing the day's...er...produce in a nearby nest box.

The first Gravenstein apple pie is in the oven and ready to "officially" usher in summer. The weather certainly hasn't made it clear that summer is here and has been here for over a month so I rely on the apple pie to tell me "yes, it's summer". I'm trying not to think too much about paying to buy apples that were once so freely available to me, but life trudges on and for every improvement today over yesterday there are an equal number of good things that are lost, never to be gotten again. Free Gravenstein apples may be one of those. And yet, I can't complain too much because I can actually still get them and get them tree-ripened and farm fresh, so...it's all good.

Speaking of changes, here are some good ones that I thought of the other day. How often do we hear someone say, "We didn't have that when I was a kid." Here is my short list of things that didn't exist when I was young that I'm glad exist now:

1. Can't toast until the toaster's plugged in. Many's the time I'd put a slice of bread in a toaster, pressed down the lever, walked away, and come back only to find slightly stale bread in the toaster. Now the lever won't even stay down unless the toaster is plugged in. *thumbs up*

2. Soda can tabs. Yep, I'm old enough to remember when soda cans were kind of a new-fangled thing that were replacing bottles, and you had to use a can opener to open them. Then someone invented the pull-tab opener and we thought "wow". People would pull the tab off and either make long chains out of them or throw them on the ground. As the public became more litter conscious people started putting the tabs back into the can. Then some bright person choked to death on a tab and suddenly they were a hazard. Pull tabs evolved into the kind we have today that open the can but don't break off. Kinda cool IMHO.

3. Here's a good one -- An alarm goes off if you turn off your car and the car lights are still on. Sheer genius. I'll say no more.

4. TV remote controls may be the butt of many jokes but, wow, what a neat gadget! The first TV set I remember our family owning was a 13" black and white with rabbit ears and all the controls on the back of the set. Yes, that included the dial for changing the channels. Now, it's true, we only had half a dozen channels to choose from and we weren't prone to constantly change channels. Still, if we did want to change a channel it involved getting up, going to the back of the TV, turning a knob, re-adjusting the rabbit ears, and then sitting back down. Wash, rinse, repeat and pound on the top of the set if things weren't working out quite right.

5. Answering machines are our present culture's version of the butler who answers callers at the front door and runs interference for the family. "No, I'm sorry. Mrs. Campbell is not available at present." Where society has misunderstood the wonderful role of answering machines is that in some self-absorbed segments of society it is considered rude not to return every call that's recorded on the answering machine. WRONG ANSWER! That's why we have machines (or butlers); to avoid having to speak to those we'd rather not speak to and to do it with as little trouble or embarrassment for either party as possible. It is NOT rude NOT to return phone messages however, in some cases, it might be unwise to ignore them. Still, I think it's a marvelous device that enables to me to avoid speaking to strangers, solicitors, and a very few selected people I know that I'd rather only talk to twice a year rather than twice a week.

6. And today as I made my apple pie I was reminded of this one: pre-sifted flour. What a joy it is to have pre-sifted flour! True, as a kid, I loved using the sifter. It was one of those jobs little kids can do in the kitchen while Mom does the grown-up stuff. I do own a sifter but I use it mostly for aerating and mixing dry ingredients, not for breaking up lumpy flour as a preparation before measuring it.

I have several favorite teen movies that were made shortly after I was no longer a teen, but they still can recall an era and elicit a laugh or two. "Sixteen Candles" and "Weird Science" immediately come to mind as decent teen comedies but I think my favorite would have to be "Ferris Bueller's Day Off".
Other teen movies from back then that can be entertaining are "Fame", "Valley Girl", "Better Off Dead" and, to completely change gears, "The Outsiders" and "The Lost Boys". I absolutely loathed "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" although it shot up to cult status almost immediately back in the day. Likewise, "Stand By Me" was too dreary and overwrought for my tastes.
Despite the number of young people at the time who claimed how much they related to movies like "The Breakfast Club" or "Pretty in Pink", none of these films depict "real" teens, but rather describe composite characters and stereotypes and are fun little melodramas about the way teens often see themselves while refusing to perform a badly needed reality check.

Today's simple pleasures are going to be short because, 1) I'm still pretty sick and 2) I don't think I put too many things into my mouth that I don't enjoy the taste of, so it's kind of an obvious pleasure. I really don't want this to simply be a list of my favorite foods but there are some tastes that are very special so I'll list half-a-dozen here:

1. There is nothing more delectable to my senses than fresh, ripe fruit. My favorites include vine-ripened strawberries, tree-ripened nectarines, and sun-warmed, ripe berries of any kind straight off the bush. Surprisingly, while I loathe bananas in general, a fresh banana (I had them in Hawaii) has a completely different taste and texture, and I like it!

2. The nectar from a honeysuckle is a rare little sweet that I enjoyed as much as I could as a child. I mean, it's a honeysuckle so we're supposed to suck the honey out of it, right??

3. Hershey's milk chocolate, hands down. I'm sorry for those of you who thought I was a choco-phile and only ate snooty chocolates with 70% cocoa content. I'm not. My taste in chocolate is rather pedestrian though it could be said to be rather patriotic as well since Hershey's is an American-made brand.

4. "Fluffy" tapioca pudding is the kind where you separate the egg and make a sweetened meringue from the whites then fold it into the tapioca pudding mixture while it's still hot. This makes little bits of cooked meringue in the pudding which lightens the texture and adds bursts of sweetness throughout.

5. Grand Marnier liqueur is delightful when heated in a snifter and sipped gingerly. The explosion of orange flavor that rushes into my mouth and sinuses and down my throat is a rare treat indeed. This is a drink that is best savored in small amounts as it can be rather potent and loses much of it's ability to delight after more than a couple of tablespoons.

6. Guñuelos (also called buñuelos almost everywhere else) are a family treat that we only make at Christmastime. It's a yeast dough with anise seed that we make into donuts shapes, deep fry, dip first into maple syrup and then into granulated sugar. The trick is to not burn yourself by biting into this delicious treat before it's had a chance to cool!


So, that's it for my half dozen tasty things. This has made me want to cook things but, with this cold I've got, I can't taste much. Still...it's nice to think about ;)

Yes, still sick and not feeling like I'm getting better. Will miss Bible study tonight because of it. Don't have the strength to even play games on the comp. Coughing, can't breathe, can't find a comfy position to rest in. BLEH! This is old already!

My daughter came home with "camp crud" after her week at camp and I have finally succumbed in full. So, to counter the gloomy thoughts that go with not being able to breathe or find a comfortable position to relax in, I present to you Simple Pleasures the Touch edition:

1. Hershey's milk chocolate melting on my tongue. They say the most pleasure that we can derive from chocolate occurs at this melting point -- that smooth, creamy moment of flavor. Mmmm...

2. I like the feeling of the air on my face after it snows. There is something so new and crisp and pristine about it. Can't get that feeling anywhere else.

3. Rabbit fur is gloriously soft. Not as soft as chinchilla, to be sure, but how often do I have the opportunity to pet a chinchilla? So, rabbit fur for softness it is!

4. Speaking of soft and delightful, I love running my hand over good quality velour.

5. Mixing flour with my hands offers a delight that is very unique. It's positively silky.

6. I like the feel of cool water. If you place your hand very carefully on the surface you can almost get it to be supported there. Science geeks would know what I'm talking about.

7. I've always enjoyed sticking my hand out the window of a moving car and catch the air in my cupped hand. I do not do this while driving, so it's a pleasure I haven't really had since I was a child, but a good one nonetheless. :)

8. The feel of warm pudding in my mouth is right up there with melting chocolate! What can I say?

9. Cat fur is okay for softness but what I really like is the feeling of a cat's whisker running over my lip. Such a tiny smoothness!

10. Sitting near a toasty fire on a winter evening is pretty much a given for most people and I'm no different. :)

11. I like the feeling of wind blowing at me so strongly that I have to lean in to move forward.

12. Being buried in a ball pit can be lots of fun providing no one jumps on me ;)


That's it for today. I'm going to take a nap now that my meds have kicked in. I'm sure I'll be better soon, hopefully before the County Fair is over.

The internet is a marvelous thing. I will never deny that. Among its many wonders is the ability to connect and to communicate with friends and strangers more quickly than ever. We can have convos. We can share photos, music, videos, you name it. We can play games together. It's great!

The pitfalls, however, can be equally great. Never have I been in a place where I can experience so much rejection from so many people, both real friends and "virtual" acquaintances (I'm referring to my guild mates in WoW here), repeatedly and in so short a period of time. Nowhere else would I be able to view countless photographs of my real life friends doing all kinds of fun and neat things with all of my other friends. Discovering that there are many, many parties, happy events, and other kinds of get-togethers that nearly everyone I know has attended while I didn't even get an invitation is sobering to say the least. I'll be honest, it's really starting to get to me.

What can I do about it? Disconnect from the 'net and go back to the happy illusion that people enjoy my company and don't go out any more than I do? I've been told again and again that "there just isn't time anymore" to do things together. Everyone is "soooo busy". This was an acceptable excuse; I certainly accepted it even though I was never that busy and often wondered what everyone else was doing that kept them so busy they couldn't get together to go to Taco Bell for half an hour. Or that there was never a time that I could drop by just to say hello for a few minutes. And now I see that my friends have indeed been very busy enjoying themselves with my other friends at camp-outs, barbeques, birthday parties, weddings, and many other delightful activities.

Yes, I'm whining but, until this marvelous mode of communication showed me otherwise, I honestly had no idea that I was passed over for so many social activities among those I consider good friends. And it leaves me wondering why? And the answer to that question must be unavoidably painful. I don't even like to think about it but it's become so obvious that I'm left out of so much I really can't gloss over it in any satisfactory way to make it less painful.

I was very tempted to post a rant about a new video from YouTube that is making the rounds showing a wedding party dancing down the aisle, but I'll spare everyone and continue with happy thoughts. Today's simple pleasures will be smells that I enjoy.

1. A pine forest on a warm day. Pine scented air fresheners have yet to capture the refreshing scent of pine needles warmed by the sun thus making a visit to the forest that much more desirable.

2. Fresh baked bread. I don't think many people would argue that there's nothing more delectable in the world than the aroma of baking bread and the subsequent loaf that cools in the kitchen.

3. New mown grass has always smelled good to me. Thankfully, I don't have allergies to spoil my enjoyment.

4. Moist earth. Now the description of this smell is a bit more involved but I must start by saying you need to be close to the ground. I enjoy this smell whenever I'm gardening, particularly if I'm breaking up soil preparing it for planting. The smell of moist earth is decidedly different from dry earth or dust and soggy earth or mud.

5. Eucalyptus trees have always smelled good to me. They have a fresh, clean smell.

6. The smell of early morning almost defies description but I'd have to say it's a fresh smell, cool, moist, earth and grass barely warmed by the sun all combined. I like the air first thing in the morning even better than cool evening air.

7. Nothing compares to the red sweetness of a fresh, vine-ripened strawberry! It's a rare scent these days since almost all fruit is picked before it's ripe and put on store shelves smelling of refigerators.

8. Freshly washed fabric is just a smell I like. I associate it with one of my favorite passtimes: sewing. :)

9. Fresh water, not salt water, has a very unique smell. Unlike tap water, fresh water has plants and minerals, even animals, in it. All of this together makes it a unique smell I like.

10. Fresh popped popcorn! I'll say no more :D

11. Fresh herbs crushed in my hand, especially thyme, rosemary, lavender, and lemon verbena. Mmmm...

12. Our cat, Zoe, has a sweet unique scent in her fur that I like. I can't say that I like the smell of animals or people in general but every now and then I run into an animal and even the occasional person who just smells good.


That's all for today. I'll dissect the wedding dance down the aisle thing another day. I do plan to get back to it. It amuses me but bothers me too. I will only say here that, if the bride and groom and all others concerned are in agreement, fine. But I also think there is a certain propriety that should be observed at important life events like weddings and dancing down the aisle ain't it.

Anyone who reads my journal for any length of time knows that I'm a fretful worry-wartish kind of person. Heck, I'm downright gloomy most of the time! I wasn't nicknamed "Eeyore" as a child for nothing. It's my nature -- one I constantly fight against. So, in an effort to post something pleasant for a change I'm gonna try to think of some pleasant things! And for me the pleasantest things are usually the simple things. I'll start with sounds...

1. My chickens' feet slapping on the patio as they come running to me when I call. (This just happened so it's tops on the list today.)

2. Rainfall, especially when it first starts up. I like the sound of those few few drops hitting the ground, the garden, the roof and windows. It sounds completely different once everything is wet.

3. Wind, whether a soft breeze in the trees or a good roaring storm.

4. My cats' meow. Wash has a very plaintive mew that he makes when he feels neglected, and Zoe has a breathy, short maow when she wants attention.

5. The ocean is something I could listen to all day long I think. I really must try it sometime.

6. The purr of a cat, any cat. Purring is such an odd thing to do when I think about it, and no one is quite sure how cats make the sound or where it comes from...which makes it that much more enjoyable.

7. Small wild birds chirping or singing in a group. It's such a delightful little chattering, chirping sound. I also enjoy listening to mockingbirds sing. That is truly fascinating to me.

8. I like the crunch dry pine needles make when I step on them. Such a crispy brittle crunchiness! The heavenly aroma that wafts up adds to the enjoyment but I'll mention that later in my Simple Pleasures -- Smells edition.

9. The hum of hummingbirds' wings and the little mechanical chirpy sound our local hummers make. The Anna's Hummingbird is the only one with a "song". All other hummers worldwide are mute which makes this sound very special to me.

10. Baby laughter in a baby's earliest months. For a brief time babies have this wonderful, honest way of laughing that is completely contagious. When something delights a baby they laugh with gusto from the belly but sound like they've inhaled helium. It's a sound that lasts only a little while in their lives and so is very precious.

11. A harp, classic upright or Celtic lap, has the most (dare I use a corny adjective?) heavenly sound. Sorry, I had to do it. For me harp music can establish an elegant atmosphere in a room. It can accompany the most plaintive love song. And yet, it can also kick up it's heels in a jig. I just love the sound of harp! It's not to say that other instruments or music in general do not give me pleasure. They do. But the list would be too long and so I only mention here the harp.

12. The far-off sound of a chainsaw makes me smile. It was such a common sound during my childhood and brings back many pleasant memories indeed of life in the orchard.


I will stop here for now. I think a dozen pleasant sounds is enough. I left out all the actors I like with sexy voices but perhaps that's better left for another time. ;)

It's not been such a good day today. I've just been feeling very useless and slightly depressed. Our culture is not exactly kind to middle-aged ladies, especially those with any respectability. If I had a few interesting vices I'd be more valued as a human being. As it is I'm not worth much to anyone, not even for a laugh. Bleh. I hate feeling this way.

I realize the internet can suck the life out of one if one is not careful. The MMORPG I'm playing is a time sink and an additional source of depression that I don't need. The only reason it's gotten that way is because I don't moderate my time at it. Sat for four hours tonight and didn't get to raid. How stupid is it to feel blue about that? And yet...I do have feelings and sometimes things like getting overlooked for a raid can really drag me down. Foolish...but there it is.

So, to counteract the life-sucking qualities of the comp I am trying to get away from the comp each day and sew something. Whether it's a quick little project or mending, I want to get into the habit again of occupying my time with more constructive pursuits. So, the sewing machine is all set up. The fabric is out. I've made two little somethings destined to become Christmas presents so far. I know I really must keep this up.

My youngest is away at camp this week and her sunny little face and silliness is very much missed. The peace and quiet aren't a bad thing, but it's her cheerfulness that's missed. I used to be much more cheerful, more "fun" to be around. I need to recapture that too. I don't know what happened to it.

Overnight, it seems, the little bit of sinus congestion I was attributing to a bit too much dust n' pollen became a full-blown cold. Headache, sore throat, stuffy head, the works. Because of this I was not able to attend the memorial service for my friend, Dennis B. I was slated to sing in the choir, and I've sung with a sore throat before -- it's not that big of deal -- but I couldn't hear either and that would definitely affect my singing. I was also dog tired. Took a two hour nap during the time of the memorial instead of enjoying the solace and company of friends.

So, I feel very left out, but what's new? My family as a group is rarely invited to anything and I am only invited a little more often to "ladies" events. When I do have opportunity to socialize, there invariably is a conflict or I get sick. It's ridiculous. To add insult to injury, I have a friend who is constantly complaining about how left out and overlooked and slighted he is at church. And yet, he is invited to far more social events than I am and has the pictures to prove it which he happily posts on the 'net. And who do I see in these pics? Everyone I know, dear friends all...all except me and my family. One must ask, "Why?" Why are we not included in so many social things that happen among our circle of "friends"? My poor husband thinks it's because he isn't a regular church-goer. This would be very offensive if it were true. But it can't be true since I know many other couples who are regularly invited to parties and such who aren't regular church-goers either. I have suspected for a long time that it's because I don't drink. Now I have never faulted anyone for drinking at a non-church function. Never. When asked if I'd like a drink I politely decline and hold up my non-alcoholic beverage of choice. Then I'm grilled on my drinking habits. I have to admit that I gave up drinking after over-indulging in it for a decade. Whether the answer to such a personal question offends them or not is not my problem. And I suppose being overlooked for invitations to a variety of social events isn't my problem either even if it is because I don't drink. I guess it's just more of a kind of hurtful thing to find out, before the fact as well as after the fact, that once again I've been left out.

And this time I wasn't left out, I got sick! To say I'm vexed is to put it mildly.

And then I find myself wondering...Why is it that some people can pay the most cursory attention to someone else and suddenly be treated almost like family? And another person can show the sincerest interest and care over a long period of time and be completely and utterly taken for granted? I've seen it before and I'll see it again. People can be rather heartless and shallow.

And then the scariest of all wonderings crosses my mind...Maybe I really am a very offensive person who's only been tolerated this long out of the goodness of everyone's hearts. And they are too good to tell me how offensive I am thus depriving me of the impetus to change my offensive ways. Perhaps it really is all about me? Maybe *cringe* I'm just no fun to be around and therefore not considered "party" material?

A solution, of course, is to throw parties of my own. My tea party was a success IMHO. I invited twenty ladies. Seven showed up. Now, that's not bad, truth be told. The old rule of thumb "over invite and expect half" was true in this case. We lost two at the last minute due to last minute disasters, so our number would've been nine had these ladies not been unable to come. Everyone was glad to be here. Conversation sparkled. I didn't feel anyone was there under duress. It was very encouraging all around. I was reminded that I am not a pariah. I'm just treated like one. :p

Do you think I'll ever get a return invitation? Probably not. But is that really something I should be concerned about? Or is it selfish of me? Meh...

I think, more than anything, it's the friend who whines about lack of friends (ironically he tells this to me, his friend) and then is invited out to mutual friend's houses again and again while we remain at home uninvited anywhere that started me on this rant. I'm tempted to tell him in the nicest terms to shut up.

Another old friend has died unexpectedly, and this friend was only in his early 40's! His cause of death is being reported as the swine flu. :( Memorial service next Friday. *sigh* Seems like these things happen in waves...

Meanwhile, I'm working on either a cold or some bad sinus due to pollen or whatever. It's been an exhausting day. Fun stuff but tiring.

I made my first 6 inch trial cake today. Made a classic genoise with vanilla syrup for moistener. It's a sturdy sponge cake that turns very moist because of the syrup but...I didn't really care for the flavor. Perhaps too much vanilla...and I love vanilla. Then again, my sinuses have been acting up so nothing tastes quite right. Prolly not the best time to attempt cooking experiments. I was happy with the cake pan though, and that was important too since I just bought it.

My friend, Dennis B., succumbed to cancer on July 4th after a lengthy illness. Two years ago he was given one year to live, so medicines and God's grace extended his time by a year. This Saturday is his memorial service. Since he was a judge in our county we are expecting our church to be filled to capacity -- about 400+ people are expected to attend. I'm singing in a "mass choir" of sorts. Dennis always liked the contemporary praise service and requested that we do several of his favorites as congregational numbers. He was a good man, wise and witty, and I always liked being in Bible study with him. I expect I'll be seeing him again on the other side.

And now today two young couples at our church gave birth to their first babies. Two in one day! Life continues even as we mourn the loss of Dennis.

Though the event itself is a long way off, if she even has such an event, I'm not sorry that my daughter and I have already started discussing the kind of wedding she envisions for herself. I think first I should point out that I, myself, never had a wedding and I do admit feeling like I missed something, so I want Leah's to be very special for her as well as myself. I have no intention of hijacking my daughter's wedding and yet, I do feel I should have some input regarding my feelings and preferences. So, there are a few expectations I have, not unreasonable by any means, that I'm glad have come up now because, at this time, some of them are unresolved satisfactorily between us.

The first major stumbling block we've encountered (and I have no doubt it will be resolved amiably in the future) is "the dress". Leah wants a strapless gown. I don't want to see that much flesh. The dress, in our family and among many of our friends, is a symbol of purity. Not many brides these days can honestly wear white. Our Leah can. I want to see her walk demurely down the aisle representing everything pure, lovely, sweet, and honorable in a young Christian woman. I haven't seen a bride in a strapless gown yet that didn't look either incredibly uncomfortable -- strapped into a garment that continually threatens to fall off and requires repeated pulling up -- or reveals so many of her charms that it's embarrassing to look at her.

I love what Miss Manners has to say on the subject: '...why are (brides) now wearing the sleeveless, often strapless, white ball dresses traditionally associated with ladies who are out looking for husbands rather than those who have found them?...The wedding ceremony, which is not "about" the couple, as many mistakenly proclaim, but about their assuming socially sanctioned duties and obligations, requires a certain amount of awed modesty. One is not showing oneself off to society at this point but entering into one of its most cherished states. Considering that half an hour later the bride will be appearing under peak show-off conditions, one would think she could wait.'

Leah doesn't agree. She sees this as an opportunity to finally wear what she considers a "grown-up" gown. Many people have taken Leah's side saying, "It's her wedding." I answer, "I'm paying for it." Leah jokes that I want her in a white bhurka. Nothing could be farther from the truth (and is a little insulting and hurtful actually). I simply do not want to see bare shoulders, cleavage, or the majority of her spine. All of this may be covered by lace, and I don't think that's asking too much. I feel very strongly that this is the perfect time to be counter-culture and revel in modesty and innocence precisely because our culture has so devalued such virtues. We shall continue negotiations on the point of dress.

Popular culture is in Leah's corner and one might think I'm fighting an uphill, losing battle. As both of us have scoured the 'net for pictures of wedding gowns that we both like, hoping to find that happy medium that will satisfy us both, it has been very hard to even find a gown that isn't strapless much less remotely modest. Type "modest wedding dress" into a search engine and you'll immediately be referred to several Mormon sites that sell "temple-ready" gowns. With rare exception these gowns look like white flannel nightgowns or something you'd put on a child with puff sleeves and petticoats. Other "modest" dresses leave me wondering if the term "modest" is even understood anymore. Perusing the variety of gowns available, and Leah and I have viewed literally thousands pictures, the one big mistake I see wedding gown manufacturers making is that, for some odd reason, most of them think brides should be "sexy". Uh...no. This is not a time to be sexy. This is a time to be chaste and innocent or, at least, to appear to be. The strapless gowns are actually preferable to the plunging necks and backs, thigh-high slits, peek-a-boo holes, and other "sexy" things we've seen. There are some abominably ugly wedding gowns out there. I don't think it's asking too much to make a lovely gown that accentuates youth and beauty yet also allows a woman to appear chaste and innocent.

Moving on to the bridesmaids...saaaame problem. It's even more difficult to find modest bridesmaids dresses that don't look like something out of "Little House on the Prairie". Again, I've seen enough weddings with bridesmaids spilling out of their gowns in every direction to know that it's something I'm really tired of seeing. In all of our research we found one style of gown that looked equally acceptable and modest on all the bridesmaids -- tall, thin, short, heavy. We bookmarked it for future reference. I won't even address the dilemma we are confronting of covering up inconvenient tattoos on one of the possible bridesmaids. :p

On to the cake topper. Oh my! We only started researching it today and already I am quite dismayed. Of the dozens of cake toppers we've looked at perhaps 75% of them are demeaning to the groom. Now some people might find it funny to have a figure of a bride tying up the groom in order to hold him on the top of their cake. I don't. Nor do I find the bride standing alone with her fist in the air amusing. Nor is the bride holding the groom's pants, indicating who wears the pants in the family, while the groom stands by in his underwear funny. Nor the groom standing alone by a sign that says, "Gone shopping". I could go on but I won't. There is even a cake topper with an obviously pregnant bride and the groom with his hand on her belly. Ugh. Again, we have completely lost the meaning of marriage and weddings in this culture.

Some of the nicer cake toppers were of couples enjoying various activities together. In particular, I liked the one of the groom pitching to a batting bride. Or the groom on skis with the bride piggy-back. There is also one of the groom on the top of the cake kneeling down to give the bride a hand up. Charming! And isn't that really what a wedding should be?

The greatest issue we face is, of course, the cost. There are many common sense things Leah agrees we can do to beat the cost down. There will be no alcohol and no dancing. Leah neither drinks nor dances so this is perfect. Because there is no dancing there doesn't need to be a DJ. We are not pretentious people so there's no need for limousines or other showy conveyances. Leah doesn't want some "upscale" location for the wedding. Our home church will do very nicely, thank you. She doesn't feel obligated to provide a meal for the guests. Cake and tea and coffee is sufficient for an afternoon wedding. She doesn't care about party favors, balloons, embossed napkins, fancy table decorations, or masses of flowers. I appreciate the simplicity of Leah's taste.

The biggest expense, and I'm insisting on it, will be the photographer. While some amateur photographers can do a very nice job, they simply do not compare to having the photography professionally done by someone who shoots weddings for a living. I know I'm talking a very large expense here but it's the one thing I'm willing to splurge on.

We are discussing making the cake ourselves and have some great ideas for lovely presentations of delicious cake! This will be very economical and, if I don't mind saying so myself, fun! :D And no, we're not talking a stack of Twinkies. I'll describe the cake ideas another time.

That's about it for wedding talk. As I said at the beginning, I'm glad we've started researching things now. A) We can smooth out our differences well before the event, and B) it's exhausting and can only be done a little at a time without becoming overwhelming. Still, it's very enjoyable to me and I am looking forward to the day all of our plans can be put into motion.

I guess the Pepsi I had with dinner was pretty potent. I've been tossing and turning up until half an hour ago. Wash was on the bed so I decided to snuffle his fur which is a very soothing activity. No sooner had I buried my face in his soft coat than his sister spazzed out in my daughter's room. A moth was fluttering in the window so she noisily tore up the blinds in an effort to catch it. This not only startled my daughter awake and frightened her, it startled Wash who bolted away from me, clawing the bridge of my nose. What are the chances of me sticking my face that close to my cat at this hour and then having something startling happen. Now I have a nice deep scratch across the bridge of my nose. Bleh.

The friend who snubbed me earlier called to apologize for anything she might have done to upset me. She says she honestly had no clue I was there. As she relayed what she thought had happened I realized that her view of everything was completely different from mine. Although she asked me "what happened" there was no point in going over everything blow by blow. She had not seen the same things I had at all. That she called was all that was necessary. She assured me I had done nothing to offend her and she did not want to offend me either. It's enough.

I think I must just be in a "down" season of life. I can't seem to find joy in anything, and yet I'm also overwhelmed with a sense that I must not "waste time". There are many things to do, especially in the personal realm, that I want to get done. I want to be a more gracious person, to achieve some of the personal goals in matters of character before...when? I feel pressed for time and I don't know why.

And while I want to become a more gracious person I realize that the older I get, the more delicate my feelings are becoming. The phrase "just deal" is obnoxious to me. There are certainly things in life one must "just deal" with. There are other things that one should never, have to deal with, and I shouldn't be faulted if such things still get under my skin.

Tonight I was snubbed by an old friend. This isn't the first time she's done this over the past three years or so, but tonight it was especially obvious that she greeted and was friendly with everyone but me. I even tugged on her arm and said, "What? Hugs for everyone but me?" and she ignored me completely. I waved my hand near her face and was again ignored. Now if I can't even pull out a childish trick like that and get a response something is wrong. Needless to say, this really hurt my feelings. No amount of maturity can be brought to bear against such cold behavior, such exclusion. It hurt very much and definitely brought a lump to my throat. We were all gathered for a particular event and I went home without participating. I just couldn't get my mind on what it needed to be on. I can't explain her behavior at all. I'm very bewildered.

As I've gotten older I have been working on my graciousness. I would like to think people don't cringe when I enter a room, but more and more I'm seeing my circle of acquaintance line up on two sides. Those who like me and my company and those who've decided they don't and don't mind making sure I know it. Of all the childish behaviors there are this one is especially painful at this age because supposedly we know better. In what way does it become more difficult to be civil as we get older? Practice makes perfect after all. I can be civil with even the most obnoxious and rude person in the world, especially those I don't know. In the past I would've been offended beyond such courtesy. I could go on another rant about our culture and how it encourages incivility but I won't. It takes so little to be pleasant -- much less effort than being mean.

I could make a list of all the people and things I'm thankful for but, while it's encouraging and proves to me how much God loves me, it does nothing to ease the pain of all those things that weigh me down. Of all the things that hurt the most, being ignored and taken for granted by friends is the worst. Second would have to be being ignored and taken for granted by everyone else. I can start with my government. They don't even want to know people like me exist and have pretty much run the country as if I don't. The result is very much like living hell. Add to that the general mood in the country -- a combination of hopefulness and overwhelming anxiety about the future -- and everyone is just a little on edge. And this is why it is SO important to be as encouraging and polite as possible. There isn't a person I know who isn't under stress of some kind. One of the best antidotes for that is to be kind to others. It takes your mind off your own troubles and eases theirs.

I hope to never become so hard-hearted that mean behavior no longer bothers me. I hope I can always be gracious and kind to everyone I meet. These are my goals.